


Run

by baekjuhos



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Minor Character Death, jaeyoon is briefly mentioned, juho as a nurse and jaeyoon as a doctor, this is more like out of juho's pov ? kinda, this is something that i cant stop thinking about i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:35:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27566857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekjuhos/pseuds/baekjuhos
Summary: Juho just thinks no parent should have to bury their child
Relationships: Baek Juho | Zuho/Lee Jaeyoon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Run

**Author's Note:**

> this is something that happened at work to me, a case i can't stop thinking about and that still haunts me to this day  
> so i thought writing about it would help me get some closure... i hope it does  
> names and details were changed
> 
> trigger warning for character death, blood, mourning and dealing with loss

Juho had never run so fast in his life before. He had gotten a call where he was spared many, too many, details. All he knew was that it was a young person who had been involved in an accident with their bicycle and that the kid was in a critical condition. And he was glad he had made a run because he barely had been given time to prepare anything. Within seconds, he had been thrown the pre-packaged syringes he’d definitely need, including catecholamines and hypnotics. Juho had just hung up the IV-drip when the patient had been wheeled in and the second he laid his eyes on the young girl laying on the stretcher with one of the paramedics hovering over her chest ready to continue the chest compressions she had apparently paused for a second, he knew it would be a hard case. 

“No ROSC! Continue!” This was something Juho heard more than once in the short time the young girl was in the trauma room.    
  
Everyone stepped away from the patient except for the emergency doctor, the two paramedics, Juho and his anaesthetist, Jaeyoon. The young girl wasn’t conscious and while the paramedics continued the chest compressions, the doctor spoke to his co-worker. “She’s a 17 year old girl. She was responsive until we came here and-” Juho had gotten to push the emergency doctor aside a little, he needed to get to the IV and that without wasting another second. He knew very well that the young teen had to be intubated and sedated as fast as possible. While the doctors exchanged information about the patient, Juho had gotten to adjust the mobile ventilator’s parameters as well as preparing the airway management. The entire trauma room team watched the five people work as they knew that right now, all they could do was offer to take over the chest compressions every two minutes. “Be quiet now, everyone!” Jaeyoon bellowed as Juho had held one of the large bore suctions and pushed the other to an assistant's hand. Although their co-workers were all silent, the sounds of the machines and suctions combined with the continuous heart rate alarm were driving the anaesthesia team crazy. As soon as Juho had injected the medications without wasting a second, he had offered the doctor the laryngoscope as well as the tube. Juho had seen the red liquid in the girl’s throat before the young doctor calmly said “Suction, suction right now”, causing the assistant opposite the nurse to panic and shove it into the fragile kid’s throat. Juho heard the doctor grumble something under his breath as the compressions caused waves he couldn’t control and after a second, which felt too long, the tube was in, blocked and securely plastered. As soon as the tube was connected to the hose, a machine to take over the chest compressions had been brought over and buckled on. The machine had been placed right on her sternum and continued hammering onto her chest. 

“We need to get her to the OR and that right away.” The cardiologist had said, she had pushed through with her sonography. “Dissected Aorta. Now.” Jaeyoon was, once again, glad that Juho was by his side. They didn’t need many words to understand each other. Jaeyoon reached for the phone in his gown’s pocket while Juho snatched the trauma room’s and dialled his coworker’s number.

“Hey. Yes, I’m still in the trauma room but listen. We’re coming now, she’s a 17 year old and unstable. Very critical. She’s intubated and under anaesthesia. Prepared an arterial system. She’s got a dissected aorta.” That was all that was communicated. Juho knew what to do and so did his co-workers. He knew she was going to be wheeled into the OR he had been assigned to. 

On the way, Jaeyoon did exactly what Juho had expected him to. He had put on sterile gloves and started feeling for where the radialis might be before inserting the cannula into the vessel. Juho wordlessly exchanged the emergency team’s monitoring with their own, which proved to be harder than he had expected. The elevator was too tiny for the entire trauma team, especially with the stretcher the girl was lying on. Juho still tried to get the last electrode on and he nearly got the machine to slam onto his hand. “Juho, get your fucking paw away from that thing.” Jaeyoon had said, laughing while pushing the catheter over the wire. “Watch out before that paw hits you square and turns off your lights.” Juho had replied immediately, grinning at the doctor as he handed him the arterial system he had prepared. The remaining team gave them a weird look. One would think everyone would be used to the calm and relaxed behaviour of the anaesthesia team when it came to emergencies - clearly, they were not. 

"Take the machine off now, they'll probably rip open the chest on the hallway!" Jaeyoon had said once he had secured the arterial catheter. 

The elevator doors had opened and the team barely had exchanged the machine to themselves continuing CPR and the surgical team rushed in, taking over from the trauma room. Jaeyoon and Juho didn't bother changing into fresh gowns- they straight wheeled the young girl in their blue gowns towards the designated OR while the circulating nurse took over the compressions from Juho. While they were still running over the hallway, the scrub nurse had poured disinfectant over the broken chest. The surgeon didn’t waste a second by opening the skin, resulting in the leaking blood to splash onto the ground. It didn’t take long for the stretcher to be pushed into the OR. She had been rolled over to the surgery table and Jaeyoon had connected the tube to their ventilator. Juho would have to take the mobile one back as soon as the critical phase was over. 

Their co-workers already had prepared everything they needed. Jaeyoon went ahead to place the CVC and sheath while Juho placed a second arterial catheter into the other arm. The blood that had been released from opening the thorax had improved the ventilation outcome. Juho was back to calling the blood bank while Jaeyoon had finished stitching the catheters to the skin of the teen. He proceeded to place an echo tube as he listened to Juho argue with one of the blood bank technicians. “We’ve called an hour ago that we needed the units as fast as possible and we still have none. The emergency stock is all used up.” There was a small pause, which he made use of to inject the heparin one of his colleagues had prepared. “Yes, at least 30 units, danger to life. Yes.” 

Although only five minutes had passed, Juho felt like it had been hours. Something red caught his eyes in the tube and he let out a sigh. Jaeyoon was still busy comparing the numbers of the units and frozen plasma when he felt someone - Juho - tap his shoulder. “Look at the tube.” He was already getting the catheter ready and Jaeyoon knew then and there that the girl wouldn’t make it. Juho had disconnected the hose and started suctioning through the tube. 

Jaeyoon had arranged a second suction from the surgery department and joined Juho. In a span of five minutes the two had suctioned about two and a half litres of blood out of the young girl’s airways. The two shared a look, knowing very well that the surgeons weren’t telling them everything. “How’s it looking?” Jaeyoon had asked. Several seconds passed before one thorax surgeon answered the doctor’s question. “The truncus ruptured, dissecting the arteries.” Juho, in the meantime, had changed the filter a total of six times. Blood kept creeping up the tube into the filter. They had been long on the heart-lung machine and yet, the red liquid kept crawling up. At this point, they had suctioned nearly all of the blood they had transfunded back out. Half way into the surgery and 20 units later, the surgeon spoke up again. “The entire aorta is dissected, just like the pulmonary trunk as mentioned before.” 

Jaeyoon continued where the surgeon left off. “She received a total of forty units so far, forty frozen plasmas and six thrombocyte concentrates. We still have ten units and ten plasmas left.” Juho knew what the surgeon was about to say and he didn’t want to hear it. He peeked at the monitor, noting how the brain saturation was slowly, but continuously, going down.

“We’ve also suctioned about three litres of blood out of her airways, despite being on hlm for over five hours now.” 

“The last BGA showed her hb fell drastically despite the transfunded units. I’m having trouble to keep her levels up.” The perfusionist continued. “Nor is at 50, desmo is at 20 and dobutamine at 40.” Juho came eye to eye with the scrub nurse. She, too, knew what was about to happen. “I think we all know that we can’t do more to help.” The surgeon intercepted. 

Jaeyoon reached for Juho’s hand as the surgeons tried to restart the young girl’s heart. They tried, five times, but failed to. Without the heart-lung machine, the girl was dead. The scrub nurse had clasped her bloodied, gloved hands together, as if she was praying. Clearly, none of them were ready to give up on the young girl. The huge monitor hanging down the ceiling just proved how they had failed. It was like the zero, flatline and flatlining sound was there to mock them, to rub their failure into their faces. 

Never had Juho perceive the asystoly alarm to be this loud and penetrating. He hung his head low, wrenching his hands in an attempt to get rid of the guilt that was starting to spread through his body. He didn’t see the worried looks Jaeyoon threw at him, Juho was too occupied with trying to distract his mind from what was about to come. 

The surgeons stepped away from the stretcher, leaving the scrub and circulating nurse alone. The perfusionist silently started to clean his machine, as if nothing had happened. Juho knew, though, that he was struggling to keep his cool, he was struggling with keeping a nonchalant facade up.

Law required all tubes to stay in place as no one was supposed to die in the OR, especially not a young, otherwise healthy girl. The team had collectively decided to take every hose, tube and pvc out, though. Juho couldn’t fathom what the family would feel and think if they were to see their daughter in that state. 

Once all drapes had been removed, Juho looked at the young, perished soul with sorrow. Her body was bloated, pale. Her entire body was bloody. Juho started silently cleaning off the dried blood. The scrub nurse joined him. Jaeyoon had been too busy with documenting everything that had occured. He raised his head, though, when he heard sniffling. The scrub nurse was silently crying as she continued rubbing the red, dried spots off. Juho had a hard time keeping his own tears, so he sometimes looked up to the ceiling to stop them from falling. 

“Oh dear. I hope you find peace where you’re going.” He whispered while washing off the last bit of blood out of her hair. 

It had taken about an hour to clean off most of it. Juho didn’t have to do any of it and neither did he have to wheel the body out into the memorial room, yet he did. He had helped the ICU nurse lay the young girl onto the bed, dressed her in clean clothes. Juho stroked over her hair one last time, sucking in a harsh breath. The second they were done, the family entered. 

As soon as the mother laid eyes onto her daughter’s from, the tears she clearly kept in fell freely. She rushed to her side, falling onto her knees as she tightly held onto her daughter’s arm. She cried loudly, begging her to open her eyes. 

“Please, please my beautiful daughter. Please. Please open your eyes. I’m begging you.” She wailed, burying her face in the young girl's hair. “Please. This isn’t funny, please don’t joke like this.” 

Juho couldn’t help but cry silently, too. “Please, open your eyes my child. Please. Look, food is waiting at home, I made you your favourite dish.” She clutched the teen’s arm once more. “Please, don’t leave me.” The mother continued to cry terribly as her daughter didn’t react one bit. “This is a joke right? Come on, please open your eyes and I’ll forgive your prank.” She stroked her hair, continuing to cry, continuing to hope for a reaction. When she still didn’t get one, she sobbed loudly. 

That made her realise she was gone, truly gone. She realised that her daughter was now in the arms of the angels. 

Juho couldn’t take it any longer and silently left, hiding in a corner to let his pent up pain out. He felt like they had failed the girl, like they had let the family down. He felt like they hadn’t done their best. Juho felt like he was a failure, someone who shouldn’t work in the profession if he couldn’t even save a young teen. 

  
He also just thought that no parent should have to bury their child.

Juho called in sick the next day. 

**Author's Note:**

> like i said in the notes at the beginning...this is based on real events
> 
> i will never forget it, though i hope i'll be able to sleep better at night because i feel like we failed this person   
> and perhaps i do need better coping mechanisms, i just don't know of any other 
> 
> feedback is welcome, though please let it be constructive for this story.


End file.
